BAWC Forums

1: Engine
We once read an interview with Mike Watt where the ex-Minuteman was asked his thoughts on 7-string basses. In his Wattian. round about way of thinking, the man in the van with the bass in his hand said that he once met a kid with a 1-string bass. So, for every 7-string bass, there ought to be an equivalent 1-stringer. This is one of our guiding principles. With that in mind:

4-Cylinder : 0 points

3-Cylinder: 1 point.

2-Cylinder: 50 points. We heart Trabants

1-Cylinder: 100 points. May your Fuldamobil live long and prosper.

5-Cylinder: 2 points. What, you think an Acura Vigor deserves more? Special dispensation: if you drive a 5-banger Jetta, -5 points.

6-Cylinder (V6): 3 points.

6-Cylinder (straight): 10 points. Datsun Z, Jeep Cherokee, 3-Series, Dodge Dart? Hell yeah!

8-Cylinder (V8): 15 points.

8-Cylinder (straight): 20 points.

10-Cylinder: 25 points. And if you drive a Bristol Fighter, give yourself an extra 50 points.

12-Cylinder (V12): 30 points.

12-Cylinder (Flat): 50 points. Especially if you drive a 917.

16-Cylinder: 100 points.

Rotary: 23 points.

Turbine: 1 million points. I hear you, Udman.

Hybrid: Divide your current point total by 1.4.

Electric: Give 2 points to the guy sitting next you.


1.b: More engine

Longitudinally mounted: 25 points. Even if you have a 4-banger, that 4-banger could be in a Se7en.

Latitudinally mounted: -10 points.

Boxer layout: 10 points.

Slant: 20 points.

Flathead: 25 points.

Throttle bodies: Add 5 points per throttle body.

Carburetor: Add 10 points for each carb.

Air Cooled: 25 points.

Diesel (domestic): 20 points.

Diesel (Euro-trash): -20 points.


2: Aspiration

Normally aspirated: 0 points. Hey, lots of cool cars breathe all on their own. But why? And, like, the McLaren F1 doesn't really need any more help.

Turbocharged: 15 points

Supercharged: 15 points

Twin-Turbo (dual): 20 points

Twin-Turbo (sequential): 30 points

Quad-Turbo: 50 points

Dualcharged (super and turbo): 100 points. We heart the Delta S4.


3: Body Style

4-doors: 0 points. Unless you have an E39 M5 -- that's 20 points for stealth.

5-doors: 5 points. Despite what Lutz says, we love wagons. Special dispensation: If any of those 5 doors are of the sliding variety, -10 points.

3-doors: 10 points. Viva la shooting brake!

2-doors: 25 points. Screw practicality.

2-doors (gullwing and/or scissors): 35 points.

0-doors: 50 points.

Doors, however many, but they're welded shut: 100 points.

Caminoized: 101 points.

Convertible: 15 points.

Hardtop Convertible: -10 points.

4-Door Hardtop Convertible: +50 points..

Update: Suicide Doors: 50 points.


3.b: Body Style -- Trucks and SUVs

Body on Frame: 10 points.

Unit Body: -20 points.

Flatbed: 20 points

Dually: 50 points.

Minivan: -300 points.

Panel van: 30 points.

Custom Van: 50 points.


4: Wheels Driven

Front-wheel drive: 0 points. Hey, I love a good front driver as much as the next guy, but you just don't get any points. Sorry.

All-wheel drive: 10 points.

4-wheel drive: 15 points. This means you have low gears and you use them. If you have never moved your transfer case, -50 points.

Rear-wheel drive: 25 points. Lets face facts. Rear-wheel drive is the best. Special dispensation: if you own a RWD SUV, -55 points. Update: FWD SUV: -105 points.


5: Engine Location

Front: 0 points

Mid: 10 points

Rear: 20 points

Two engines: 100 points.


6: Transmission

Automatic: 0 points. Special dispensation: Column shift? 10 points. Unless its that weird new BMW/MB column shifter -- that gets you -30 points.

Manual: 20 points. And good for you.

Manual on the tree: 60 points.

CVT: -20 points. You really don't get this whole driving thing, do you?

Crashbox: 30 points

Paddle shifters: 5 points. Unless you have a Ferrari/Maserati-style setup where the paddles are stock-mounted, that'll net you 30 points.


7: Country of Origin

Korea: 0 points

Japan: 1 point. Deduct -10 points if you drive a 4-banger slushbox Camry. Yeah, you.

'Merica: 5 points. Unless your domestic car was made in Korea -- that's -5 points.

Germany: 10 points. Unless you drive a Jetta, then -10 points. New Bug? -100 points.

Sweden: 15 points.

Britain: 20 Points. You brave man.

Italy: 25 points. You brave fucker.

Eastern Bloc: 30 points.

India 40 points.

France: 50 points.

FUCK UPUPDATE:: Land of the Raging Hoon (Australia): 75 points.

Mixed origin: 100 points. As in your French SM has an Italian engine. Or if your Cobra has a British chassis and a 'Merican engine that was built in Canada. -90 points if your R-Class was built in Tennessee.

Other (Canada, Israel, Norhtern Ireland): 13 points. And you're lucky to be getting them.


8: POWA!

0-50 hp: 25 points. You're very brave.

51-100 hp: 5 points. You're very poor.

101-160 hp: 0 points. Unless you drive a Se7en or a Miata -- that's +20 points.

161- 270 hp: 5 points. Not too shabby.

271-380 hp: 10 points. We like where you're going.

381 - 450 hp: 25 points. Awesome. The power sweet spot. Not too hot, not too cold.

451 - 600 hp: 2 points. You're rich. Big deal. Unless you drive a Z06. Then we're jealous and we hate you.

601 - 750 hp: 30 points. You might be rich, but we love your taste in cars.

751 - 1000 hp: 50 points seems about right.

1001+ hp: 100 points. Special dispensation: if you drive a Vector, 1,000,000,000 points!!!


9: Age

2008 model: 10 points. Congratulations.

4 years or younger: 5 points.

5 - 10 years: 0 points.

11 - 20 years: 10 points. You can wrench.

21 - 30 years: 20 points. You can really wrench.

31 - 40 years: 30 points. Can we have a ride? Pretty please?

41 - 50 years: 40 points. The golden age of rad. Sigh...

50 - 60 years: 50 points. Especially if you have Gullwings.

Pre-WWII: 100 points. And we tip our collective cap at you.


10: Other

Cupholders: -5 points for every cupholder.

Ashtrays: 5 points for every ashtray. Special dispensation: if your car has more than 5 ashtrays, you get 50 bonus points on top of the 5 points for each ashtray.

Bondo: 10 points for every unpainted patch.

NO FEAR sticker: -1,000 points.

Truck Nutz: -100 points. Unless you live in Virginia. Then 500 points.

All-digital dashboard: 25 points.

Working all-digital dashboard: 30 points.

Hydropneumatic suspension: 50 points

Waterbed: 6.9 points.

UPDATE: If your particular Mazda Protege won LeMons, then give yourself 245 points. If not, no whining.

Point Key:
0 Points: Go ride a bike.

1-5 Points: Edmunds is that way.

6-15 Points: Hey, at least you know what a car is.

16-30 points: That's a cool car you got there. Time to Sawzall the back off.

31-45 points: It's no Hoondai Sonata, but it's pretty good.

46-75 points: You like driving. You even like driving a lot. But why all the compromises, man?

76-100 points: 'Vettes get 'em wet, dude. As do turbo-diesel Peugeot wagons.

101-150 points: Is that an E39 M5 in your pocket? Or do you have an erection?

151-200 points Fantasy Garage

201-250 points: Bitchin' Camino

251+ points: You love cars. Secret cars, concept cars, flying cars, vintage cars, tricked-out cars, red cars, black cars, blonde cars - sometimes, cars just because of the curve of a hood.