http://jalopnik.com/346367/how-jalopnik-is-your-car
So how do you score?1: Engine
We once read an interview with Mike Watt where the ex-Minuteman was asked his thoughts on 7-string basses. In his Wattian. round about way of thinking, the man in the van with the bass in his hand said that he once met a kid with a 1-string bass. So, for every 7-string bass, there ought to be an equivalent 1-stringer. This is one of our guiding principles. With that in mind:
4-Cylinder : 0 points
3-Cylinder: 1 point.
2-Cylinder: 50 points. We heart Trabants
1-Cylinder: 100 points. May your Fuldamobil live long and prosper.
5-Cylinder: 2 points. What, you think an Acura Vigor deserves more? Special dispensation: if you drive a 5-banger Jetta, -5 points.
6-Cylinder (V6): 3 points.
6-Cylinder (straight): 10 points. Datsun Z, Jeep Cherokee, 3-Series, Dodge Dart? Hell yeah!
8-Cylinder (V8): 15 points.
8-Cylinder (straight): 20 points.
10-Cylinder: 25 points. And if you drive a Bristol Fighter, give yourself an extra 50 points.
12-Cylinder (V12): 30 points.
12-Cylinder (Flat): 50 points. Especially if you drive a 917.
16-Cylinder: 100 points.
Rotary: 23 points.
Turbine: 1 million points. I hear you, Udman.
Hybrid: Divide your current point total by 1.4.
Electric: Give 2 points to the guy sitting next you.
1.b: More engine
Longitudinally mounted: 25 points. Even if you have a 4-banger, that 4-banger could be in a Se7en.
Latitudinally mounted: -10 points.
Boxer layout: 10 points.
Slant: 20 points.
Flathead: 25 points.
Throttle bodies: Add 5 points per throttle body.
Carburetor: Add 10 points for each carb.
Air Cooled: 25 points.
Diesel (domestic): 20 points.
Diesel (Euro-trash): -20 points.
2: Aspiration
Normally aspirated: 0 points. Hey, lots of cool cars breathe all on their own. But why? And, like, the McLaren F1 doesn't really need any more help.
Turbocharged: 15 points
Supercharged: 15 points
Twin-Turbo (dual): 20 points
Twin-Turbo (sequential): 30 points
Quad-Turbo: 50 points
Dualcharged (super and turbo): 100 points. We heart the Delta S4.
3: Body Style
4-doors: 0 points. Unless you have an E39 M5 -- that's 20 points for stealth.
5-doors: 5 points. Despite what Lutz says, we love wagons. Special dispensation: If any of those 5 doors are of the sliding variety, -10 points.
3-doors: 10 points. Viva la shooting brake!
2-doors: 25 points. Screw practicality.
2-doors (gullwing and/or scissors): 35 points.
0-doors: 50 points.
Doors, however many, but they're welded shut: 100 points.
Caminoized: 101 points.
Convertible: 15 points.
Hardtop Convertible: -10 points.
4-Door Hardtop Convertible: +50 points..
Update: Suicide Doors: 50 points.
3.b: Body Style -- Trucks and SUVs
Body on Frame: 10 points.
Unit Body: -20 points.
Flatbed: 20 points
Dually: 50 points.
Minivan: -300 points.
Panel van: 30 points.
Custom Van: 50 points.
4: Wheels Driven
Front-wheel drive: 0 points. Hey, I love a good front driver as much as the next guy, but you just don't get any points. Sorry.
All-wheel drive: 10 points.
4-wheel drive: 15 points. This means you have low gears and you use them. If you have never moved your transfer case, -50 points.
Rear-wheel drive: 25 points. Lets face facts. Rear-wheel drive is the best. Special dispensation: if you own a RWD SUV, -55 points. Update: FWD SUV: -105 points.
5: Engine Location
Front: 0 points
Mid: 10 points
Rear: 20 points
Two engines: 100 points.
6: Transmission
Automatic: 0 points. Special dispensation: Column shift? 10 points. Unless its that weird new BMW/MB column shifter -- that gets you -30 points.
Manual: 20 points. And good for you.
Manual on the tree: 60 points.
CVT: -20 points. You really don't get this whole driving thing, do you?
Crashbox: 30 points
Paddle shifters: 5 points. Unless you have a Ferrari/Maserati-style setup where the paddles are stock-mounted, that'll net you 30 points.
7: Country of Origin
Korea: 0 points
Japan: 1 point. Deduct -10 points if you drive a 4-banger slushbox Camry. Yeah, you.
'Merica: 5 points. Unless your domestic car was made in Korea -- that's -5 points.
Germany: 10 points. Unless you drive a Jetta, then -10 points. New Bug? -100 points.
Sweden: 15 points.
Britain: 20 Points. You brave man.
Italy: 25 points. You brave fucker.
Eastern Bloc: 30 points.
India 40 points.
France: 50 points.
FUCK UPUPDATE:: Land of the Raging Hoon (Australia): 75 points.
Mixed origin: 100 points. As in your French SM has an Italian engine. Or if your Cobra has a British chassis and a 'Merican engine that was built in Canada. -90 points if your R-Class was built in Tennessee.
Other (Canada, Israel, Norhtern Ireland): 13 points. And you're lucky to be getting them.
8: POWA!
0-50 hp: 25 points. You're very brave.
51-100 hp: 5 points. You're very poor.
101-160 hp: 0 points. Unless you drive a Se7en or a Miata -- that's +20 points.
161- 270 hp: 5 points. Not too shabby.
271-380 hp: 10 points. We like where you're going.
381 - 450 hp: 25 points. Awesome. The power sweet spot. Not too hot, not too cold.
451 - 600 hp: 2 points. You're rich. Big deal. Unless you drive a Z06. Then we're jealous and we hate you.
601 - 750 hp: 30 points. You might be rich, but we love your taste in cars.
751 - 1000 hp: 50 points seems about right.
1001+ hp: 100 points. Special dispensation: if you drive a Vector, 1,000,000,000 points!!!
9: Age
2008 model: 10 points. Congratulations.
4 years or younger: 5 points.
5 - 10 years: 0 points.
11 - 20 years: 10 points. You can wrench.
21 - 30 years: 20 points. You can really wrench.
31 - 40 years: 30 points. Can we have a ride? Pretty please?
41 - 50 years: 40 points. The golden age of rad. Sigh...
50 - 60 years: 50 points. Especially if you have Gullwings.
Pre-WWII: 100 points. And we tip our collective cap at you.
10: Other
Cupholders: -5 points for every cupholder.
Ashtrays: 5 points for every ashtray. Special dispensation: if your car has more than 5 ashtrays, you get 50 bonus points on top of the 5 points for each ashtray.
Bondo: 10 points for every unpainted patch.
NO FEAR sticker: -1,000 points.
Truck Nutz: -100 points. Unless you live in Virginia. Then 500 points.
All-digital dashboard: 25 points.
Working all-digital dashboard: 30 points.
Hydropneumatic suspension: 50 points
Waterbed: 6.9 points.
UPDATE: If your particular Mazda Protege won LeMons, then give yourself 245 points. If not, no whining.
Point Key:
0 Points: Go ride a bike.
1-5 Points: Edmunds is that way.
6-15 Points: Hey, at least you know what a car is.
16-30 points: That's a cool car you got there. Time to Sawzall the back off.
31-45 points: It's no Hoondai Sonata, but it's pretty good.
46-75 points: You like driving. You even like driving a lot. But why all the compromises, man?
76-100 points: 'Vettes get 'em wet, dude. As do turbo-diesel Peugeot wagons.
101-150 points: Is that an E39 M5 in your pocket? Or do you have an erection?
151-200 points Fantasy Garage
201-250 points: Bitchin' Camino
251+ points: You love cars. Secret cars, concept cars, flying cars, vintage cars, tricked-out cars, red cars, black cars, blonde cars - sometimes, cars just because of the curve of a hood.
SL = 84 points
Conquest = 125 points (I don't know whether to claim it as Japanese, 'Merican, or mixed since it's a Jap car for an American Company that was owned by Germans not too long ago).
Focus = 25 points. It would have at least had 30 if this came out a few weeks back. Also don't know if I should tote is as 'Merican or mixed since it's a Mexico built Ford.
